The Onion: Complacent Terrorists

After 5 Years In U.S., Terrorist Cell Too Complacent To Carry Out Attack

"Five a.m. is when the facility is most vulnerable to attack, when the morning shift security personnel replace the overnight crew," said Adib Dhakwan, the cell's second-in-command. "Unfortunately, Starbucks doesn't open until six, and I don't know about you, but if I don't have that first cup of coffee, forget it."