Anti-Blessing

Via A Tiny Revolution, some Red State Son comedy from a recent peace rally. This first part is his Pat Robertson impersonation, giving the festivities his (anti-)blessing.

Dear Lord, please ignore this gathering of peace activists who reject your command that America wage war throughout the world, and know that in their hearts they wish to destroy your holy system of corporate capitalism.

And Lord, I pray that you keep these ACLU-loving traitors from turning God fearing Americans into pacifists, atheists, feminists, socialists, communists, Satanists, environmentalists, vegetarians, vegans, fruititarians, Rastafarians, witches, warlocks, demonic elves, lesbian vampires, homosexual werewolves and cross-dressing leprechauns.

For as your Son and our Savior once put it, "Blessed are the hitmen, for they shall inherit the Earth" and "Do unto others, but cover your tracks, to minimize blowback."

And Lord, it appears that I have once again embarrassed your Republican party by calling for the assassination of Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. And even though I'd still like to see Chavez's head blown off, and Venezuela's vast oil reserves seized and privatized by American petroleum companies, I regret my outburst, and ask that you punish me harshly. I need not specify how I should be punished -- we've been over this many times, and you know what I like and how long and hard I like it. I leave that to your discretion.

Again Lord, thank you for this war and the many more to come. In Jesus's ballistic name, amen.