Sunday, June 18, 2006

Fruit Salad and Getting Laid

Saw this pretty funny HOWTO on Dive Into Mark: HOWTO make the perfect fruit salad and get laid. This was a light and humorous diversion after reading his essay Juggling Oranges (which, despite the title, has nothing to do with fruit or fruit salad). Mainly the data preservation issues he raised in "Juggling Oranges" were creeping me out pretty bad, so I was more than willing to be distracted by this funny bit.
Whether you know it or not, you will be judged tonight on exactly how well you can put fruit in a bowl. Sound easy? It’s not. Sound trivial? Your chances of getting laid tonight are surprisingly dependent on exactly how well you can put fucking fruit into a fucking bowl.

...A small box of raspberries. I have only ever seen raspberries sold in a small plastic box, slighter larger than an iPod and costing just as much. Suck it up. You’re trying to get laid, remember? Raspberries are important.

...Throw the good stuff [from cutting up the nectarine] into the bowl and the center core into the trash can. Do not throw it in the garbage disposal! You will hear an angry ker-klunk, ker-klunk, ker-klunk, followed by a quiet whirring sound, followed by an awkward silence for the rest of your relationship.


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