Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Onion Vol. 41 #39

Onion day!
  • Bush's Approval Rating Of Other Americans Also At All-Time Low
    While Bush finds that 40 percent of Americans are "on the right track," he said he believes only 30 percent will do a good job supporting him in the event of another disaster or terrorist attack.

  • Women Have To Stop Starving Themselves Past The Point Of Hotness
    While there are many ways to get hot, one of the simplest, fastest, and most effective is through self-starvation. However, anorexia, like all things, is best used in moderation. For example, you should never get so thin that you lose your tits.

  • There's No Problem I Can Handle
    When life gives me lemons, I wish desperately for lemonade. But as I lack the sugar and ice necessary to make it, the lemons instead rot away in the drawer of the refrigerator until several months later, when I eventually throw them away.


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