Onion vol. 41 #13

New Onion today.

• What Do You Think?, on the Morning After Pill
  "Why not? The tequila responsible for getting me knocked up in the first place is sold over the counter."
  
  
• Infographic on Information Thieves
  New stolen identity beats old "sniveling computer geek"
  
  
• Being A Considerate Houseguest
  
  • Ensure that you do not overstay your welcome by asking your host if you are overstaying your welcome every couple of minutes.
    
  • Avoid an awkward moment later on by telling your host upfront that you're a bedshitter.
    
  • Don't monopolize the bathroom: Take sponge baths in the kitchen sink, and pee in a bottle and hide it under the bed.
  
  
  
• You Won't Believe This, But I'm Actually On A Crowded Elevator Right Now
  Oh, hey David. No, it's a fine time. Always got time for you, my man. Dave. How's that lady I saw you with on Saturday? No shit. You're something else, my friend. Really something. Oh, that? That was just the second floor. Yeah, you won't believe this, but I'm actually on this crowded elevator right now. Yeah, it's totally crazy. We're packed like sardines in here.