Jan. 11 Onion - Sports Year In Review

This week's Onion is repeats, all the sports stories from the last year.

• Lance Armstrong's Endurance Tested By Sheryl Crow Concert
  "It was a pretty tough slog," Armstrong told reporters after the event, which he was obligated to attend as part of his new role as Crow's future husband.
  
  
• ESPN Courts Female Viewers With World's Emotionally Strongest Man Competition
  Other strong overall performances were turned in by Martin "There, There" Richards, a graphic designer who remembered to make his wife's beloved tapioca pudding on the anniversary—not of their marriage—but of their first date; Garth "The Embrace" Josephsen, who maintained some form of reassuring but undemanding physical contact with his fiancée for nine consecutive hours; and Ben "Soulmate" Siegel, who made his girlfriend laugh despite her belief that minor weight gain and childlessness were ruining her life.
  
  
• Pete Rose Jr. Somehow Finds Way To Disgrace Family Name
  "It'd be tough for any son to live in the shadow of a tax-evading gambler, a man who would only admit he compromised the integrity of baseball as part of a publicity stunt to promote his autobiography," said Cincinnati Reds beat reporter Hal McCoy ... "But Rose Jr., who never had the raw talent that his father exhibited in his heyday, was nonetheless able to live up to his namesake in his own way."