Enjoy BloodRayne For Free

It has long been my opinion that bad movies are worthwhile, as they prompt many hilarious reviews of their badness, which I (and now, through the miracle of blogging, you too) can enjoy for free. "BloodRayne", the latest attempt to make a movie out of a videogame, proves this perfectly.



Via Slashdot's story, (Bloodrayne Officially Awful), we quickly wind up on Next Generation, with a recap of bad reviews that includes this gem, by "Filmjerk":

"In his mind, [Boll] is Steven Spielberg; arranging danger and adventure on the screen with clarity and a roaring sense of excitement. However, the tragic reality is that Boll has all the artistic ability of the average 4th grade finger-painter."

But if you want a reviewer that will really tear apart a bad movie (or a good movie, for that matter), of course you must read The Filthy Critic's BloodRayne review. A few highlights:

[BloodRayne] sucks harder and more sloppily than a Bennigan's waitress on her lunch break, but costs slightly less.

For the actors, appearing in a Uwe Boll is a declaration that they act for money and have costly addictions that must be fed. It also declares that they have less self-respect than a Tri-Delt. It's like falling on a spiral of shame and bumping your head on every step all the way down to the bottom.

Costumes have a vague sense of old timeyness, as though the costume designer pillaged the rennaissance faire at the "special" school.

Bloodrayne is pure shit. So pure that if people shot up shit instead of heroin this would be a million bucks a kilo.

Lastly, a verbatim email interview with the "director" at gaming site 1Up.com. It shows a dedicated, hardworking artist, struggling to be understood by his contemporaries. No, not really.

1UP: Rayne is a violence-prone product of rape. How did you help Loken identify with that kind of character?

UB: i didnt helped her - i throwed [sic] her in her first scene in a situation where a guy wants to rape