Onion vol. 41 #24

Late, sure, but what's your hurry? This week's Onion.

• Chinese Factory Worker Can't Believe The Shit He Makes For Americans
  "Often, when we're assigned a new order for, say, 'salad shooters,' I will say to myself, 'There's no way that anyone will ever buy these,'" Chen said during his lunch break in an open-air courtyard. "One month later, we will receive an order for the same product, but three times the quantity. How can anyone have a need for such useless shit?"



• What Do You Think? on Medical Marijuana
  "This is sad news for me and other survivors of nausea."



• Infograph: GM's Rising Costs
  $5,550 Marketing aimed at convincing people they want cars bigger than they need or should be able to afford, that GM will later sell to them for less than they cost to produce



• Portugal finally Gets It Together
  LISBON, PORTUGAL—To the relief of surrounding countries, Portugal seems to have finally gotten its ducks in a row, sources reported Monday. "Man, I didn't think P. would ever get it together," said Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero. "But it really cleaned up its act and got its shit straight. Who would've guessed?" Cyprus said that if Portugal can do it, maybe it can, too.