Onion Vol. 41 #22

This week's Onion.

• Pentagon Announces Plans To Close Camp Snoopy
  "I heard a rumor that I'm going to be shipped out to the Lego Imagination Center," Coordinating Concessions Manager Steve Voorhies said. "I'm still in shock. I had a distinguished food-service record here -- a record I could be proud of -- and now some desk jockey at the Pentagon sends me to the mall's South Avenue quadrant? It's bullshit."
  
  
• What Do You Think? The Stem-Cell Bill
  "If Bush vetoes this bill, I'm going to veto him! With a bumper sticker, of course."
  
  
• Infographic: Green Products
  
  • 10,000 Tomorrows, the reusable toilet paper
    
  • Rats, "nature's garbage disposal"
    
  • Kleaner Wieners, the hot dog made from 100 percent post-consumer meats