Onion vol. 41 #15

Inside: Spring Fashions
So Glamorous You'll
Practically Shit Yourself

Wednesday == Onion

• What Do You Think?, on Embattled Tom Delay
  "I'm telling you, if Tom DeLay would come out and say, 'Screw it, I'm just in it for the cash and the bitches,' his popularity would skyrocket. At the very least, he'd be in a Kid Rock video."
  
  
• The Onion Presents: Preparing A Living Will
  Comatose people have been shown to exhibit a brainstem-level response to music, so prepare a decade's worth of mix tapes in advance.
  
  
• French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard
  "Now, lunch doesn't have to endanger your health! All-new French's Antibacterial Mustard is the perfect way to add flavor to, and subtract harmful disease-causing bacteria from, your family's favorite meals!"