Jan. 18 Onion

We take a break from Long-Ass Speech Week here to enjoy a modestly funny Onion.

• Maverick Hunter's 'Human Beings As Prey' Plan Not As Challenging As Expected
  "At the very least, I assumed they would take to the trees and hills in desperate flight," he said. "Instead, many of them just milled about like peahens within the confines of my estate, periodically rattling the backdoor knob to ensure that it hadn't been unlocked since they last checked."
  
  
• Your Offer Of Gum Seems Rather Disingenuous
  In the future, I would suggest you come out and ask for gum directly, rather than resorting to subterfuge or mind games to try to wheedle a stick of rare Icelandic gum out of me.