Onion vol. 40 #50

Gold Bond Spokesman
Grudgingly Admits It Makes
Your Balls Tingle

New Onion today - yet another pretty good one, too.

• Risk Champ Flunks Geography Test
  "by his account, the U.S. is made up of only three states: Eastern United States, Western United States, and Alaska."
  
  
• What Do You Think?, on Iraq Troop Complaints
  "Don't they know about the military's 'don't ask, don't tell' policy on the 'when do we get to go home?' question?"
  
  
• Infograph, on Stopping Steroids in Baseball
  Finally doing away with American League's much-debated "designated-pisser" rule
  
  
• The Onion In History, Dec. 18, 1903
  
  • Rail-Road Scientists Say Kitty Hawk Flying Apparatus A Hoax
    
  • Army Contemplates Formation of Separate 'Flying Contraption Force.'