Onion vol. 40 #49

Pet Winterized

That time of the week again: new Onion.

• World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice
  "As a man of science, I deal with facts, and the fact is that mice are gross," said Dr. Douglas White, chair of the Oxford biogenetics department and lifelong mouse-hater.
  
  
• Infograph, on the Low Dollar Against the Euro
  
  • Masonic iconography not as powerful as it used to be
    
  • European Union, consisting of 25 culturally and linguistically distinct nations, more unified than U.S.
    
  • Currency markets hate freedom