This Week In Chip News

Story #1: Frito-Lay Angrily Introduces Line Of Healthy Snacks
From The Onion:

"Here," said Frito-Lay CEO Al Carey as he disgustedly tossed a bag of the company's new Flat Earth-brand snack crisps onto the lectern during a meeting with shareholders and members of the press. "Here's some shit that's made from beets. I hope you're all happy now that you have your precious beet chips with the recommended daily serving of fruit, or vegetables, or whatever the hell a 'beet' is."



...According to Frito-Lay's website, the new snacks contain one-third of the fat, one-half of the calories, and one-1,000th of the irresistible flavor of Frito-Lay's classic line of potato and corn chips. The presence of trans-fats and saturated oils is avoided by employing a cooking process "strikingly similar to the method used to create particle board."

Story #2: Kettle Chips Beta
An apparently true and non-Oniony story of new limited-edition chips from Kettle:

Chili Lime is perhaps the most unsurprising of the group — it's good and spicy and sugary but we've done this before — while Dragon 5 Spice and Island Jerk are both extremely complex flavors with interesting and intense spice blends. The Royal Indian Curry is honestly one of the best chips I've ever eaten, as a general curry lover. And most importantly, there's Aztec Chocolate. That's right, a chocolate potato chip, made with actual organic Dagoba chocolate powder, cinnamon, chili.. wow. I can't imagine eating a bag, but I'm glad I got a chance to eat at least one.