Onion Vol. 41 #45

Chicago's Shedd
Aquarium Admits
Panda Exhibit A Ghastly
Mistake

After weeks of nothing worth pointing you to, finally an Onion with a few laughs.

• Metal Council Convenes To Discuss 'Metal Hand Sign' Abuse
  "This man here, who invokes the sign merely to indicate his joy that his microwave popcorn is done: He is not metal," Sixx said. "We have it on good authority that he prefers the music of Tim McGraw and that the magic word of 'Zoso' has never passed his lips."
  
  
• Wife Always Dragging Husband Into Her Marital Problems
  "Don't get me wrong—I have marriage problems of my own—but I don't know what she wants me to do about hers."
  
  
• Canceled Iraqi Reconstruction Projects
  
  • Peace