Onion Issue #43

Bush Campaign Paints Kerry
As Pre-Raphaelite Contessa

This week's Onion is out, and it's got some good just-before-the-election stuff:

• Republicans Urge Minorities To Get Out And Vote On Nov. 3
  MIAMI, FL—With the knowledge that the minority vote will be crucial in the upcoming presidential election, Republican Party officials are urging blacks, Hispanics, and other minorities to make their presence felt at the polls on Wednesday, Nov. 3.
  
  
• "What Do You Think?", on the return of the draft
  "If I must submit to a draft, I hope I'm not picked by Cincinnati."
  
  
• "Infographic", on the flu vaccine shortage
  "Rent a baby for $10, take him or her to get a flu shot, and at the last second, move your arm in front of the needle."
  
  
• Election Day Guide
  You might think it's funny, but it's disrespectful to submit write-in candidates like "Don Knotts," "Mickey Mouse," or "Michael Badnarik."